Thursday, March 10, 2011

Shepard Smith: News Anchor/Alien

After careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion that Shepard Smith, Fox News Channel anchor, is, in fact, an alien. Why do you ask? That's a perfectly valid question, Jeremy. Most notable, of course, is the fact that his eyes have drifted apart over the years, and continue to do so exponentially. I call this "The Uma Thurman Effect." Also, his hairline. Sometimes he's a spry, 28 year-old anchor, ready to grab the news by the horns. Other times, he's a haggard, 47 year-old who looks like he's reported one too many stories. Just wait for the day when he bursts out of his human skin, mandibles twitching, and spews poisonous bile all over his camera crew. You can just email the "You were right, Christian" notes to me. That would be just fine.

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