What I think frozen dinner packaging should look like...

Bump-it? What the shell, Leo?

When I see a girl like this, I don't think "Hey, it's one of those new hair accessories, the Bump-it! What a great way to give volume to one's hair and be pretty and stuff!" No, I don't think that. What I do think is "Hey, I wonder if that girl knows that she has a goiter on the top of her head, and that it's probably filling with more fluid every day, thereby inflating the size of her head. Maybe she should cover it with more hair? Yeah, that'll conceal it more.

Oh, and sorry if this girl is you. If it is, you should probably be draining that thing with a syringe or something right now, shouldn't you?

Brew Harrysnore

Many of you think Drew Barrymore is attractive. You'd be wrong though; she's totally not. In fact, her face looks like the face of a Barbie doll that Kevin, from shop class, took a hot soldering iron to. I'm pretty sure her witch chin could impale a wild boar. Luckily for her, she can eat that boar simply by using her (no doubt) hidden mandibles and shoveling it in. (Think predator.)

**Note** It has been mentioned that I omitted the highly obnoxious manner in which Drew Barrymore speaks. If you haven't seen it, just picture that someone has latched a fishing hook onto the lower corner of her lip and continues to tug it whenever she talks. By age 50, you can expect a full-on Sylvester Stallone.

New Idea

The Wii is a great thing. Great product, great fun, great ad campaign. So why not add to the impressive repertoire of accessories for the Wii? With such titles as "Wii Play," and "Wii Fit," why not make a two-seater toilet and call it "Wii S***." I know you many of you disapprove, but deep down in your Wii hearts, you think it's just a little bit funny.




Also, I found out someone else on the internets beat me to this idea. So, apparently there is a lot of demand for this peripheral in the market.