tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69766103091281812072024-02-08T03:22:29.134-08:00Brain LintShut up. I didn't say this would be interesting.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-26012118880253544272013-01-11T21:49:00.002-08:002013-01-11T21:49:50.054-08:00Just spitballing here...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WC_jYU7NoDA/UPD5AUTptFI/AAAAAAAAAFo/IDjuBtOHsJ8/s1600/urkel-7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="256" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WC_jYU7NoDA/UPD5AUTptFI/AAAAAAAAAFo/IDjuBtOHsJ8/s320/urkel-7.jpeg" /></a></div>
I think I could make obscene amounts of money if I produced a sitcom called "Fecal matters." I realize it's unlikely to succeed, based on the fact that I don't know what it would be about, and so far the only joke to go off of is the show's charming, nostalgia-inducing, reference to the 1990's. However, I think bathroom humor in television deserves a reprisal.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-79746707571315819722011-11-21T21:51:00.000-08:002011-11-21T21:59:09.038-08:00Maximus cellulus tossulus: Russel Crowe's untold story from the set of "Gladiator"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5KEAwaQGnKw/Tss6BDvw5-I/AAAAAAAAAFY/Y47rQ9669K4/s1600/946256_com_gladiator_%2Bcopy.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5KEAwaQGnKw/Tss6BDvw5-I/AAAAAAAAAFY/Y47rQ9669K4/s400/946256_com_gladiator_%2Bcopy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5677695545090566114" /></a><br />Russell wiped a bit of fake blood from the corner of his mouth. Sweat pouring down his brow, he glared at the man opposing him. That amateur had ruined his finest scene for the last time. His teeth gnashed, his lazy eye listed a little more lazily to the right, and he swept up the set telephone into his hands. Throwing it with unbridled fury, he struck Jeremy, the actor set to play the enemy gladiator, square in the teeth. Mustering a victory cry, Russell executed his scripted line perfectly: "Are you not entertained??"Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-18991038978876572312011-11-21T13:58:00.000-08:002011-11-21T14:01:25.909-08:00"Pucker up, buttercup"Yesterday I had the unbearable desire for something sweet. I hadn't had time to go shopping over the weekend, and I was right in the middle of some Netflix time, so I ate a few more chewable vitamin C tablets.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-666263604644094542011-10-10T19:19:00.000-07:002011-10-10T19:25:12.521-07:00Do not want.Today I was reading in my textbook for school, which I have utter distain for. I realized how much I dislike this class and this book at the exact same time that I realized I needed to blow or pick my nose- there were no tissues nearby.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-31063887296931774422011-05-02T20:00:00.000-07:002011-05-03T16:42:33.969-07:00Happy dead-laden dayI really enjoy when, instead of feeding dangerous terrorists Doritos, we decide to send in a crap-load of Navy SEALS to light the place up and kill the smarmy terrorists. Go America.<br /><br /><a href="http://sunglasses.name"><img src="http://sunglasses.name/gif/joker-clap.gif" alt="designer sunglasses"/></a>Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-38511741786967041742011-04-13T16:53:00.000-07:002011-04-13T16:55:34.168-07:00The computer for WomenYou may think that since I keep posting videos, my creative powers are dwindling and I'm simply using YouTube as a cop-out. You may think that, but you'd be wrong. Probably. Here's a video for you to watch while I don't think of witty things to write.<br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/0GThtMAZGYU" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-87347531993681516962011-04-10T15:48:00.001-07:002011-04-10T15:48:45.749-07:00I got nothin...So here's a random video:<br /><iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/PWD24dZWgFo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-64042563930918524982011-03-24T18:18:00.000-07:002011-03-24T18:22:02.856-07:00How not to make breadAccording to the 80's "a lot of brown bread is just white bread colored brown." This is the most epic bread-making experience the world has seen to date. Be warned: hair may self-perm after watching. <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/bHK0uFb6Vzw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-81694363981641223222011-03-10T20:19:00.000-08:002011-03-10T20:43:13.231-08:00Shepard Smith: News Anchor/Alien<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YWqMgnoM2PU/TXmoWZgEfQI/AAAAAAAAAFM/E7pCWHGh2y4/s1600/shepard_smith.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 249px; height: 320px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YWqMgnoM2PU/TXmoWZgEfQI/AAAAAAAAAFM/E7pCWHGh2y4/s320/shepard_smith.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5582678315858427138" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJfQ2_LerfQ/TXmoVxygogI/AAAAAAAAAFE/1PR552eIjf4/s1600/Predator.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 314px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJfQ2_LerfQ/TXmoVxygogI/AAAAAAAAAFE/1PR552eIjf4/s320/Predator.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5582678305198350850" /></a><br />After careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion that Shepard Smith, Fox News Channel anchor, is, in fact, an alien. Why do you ask? That's a perfectly valid question, Jeremy. Most notable, of course, is the fact that his eyes have drifted apart over the years, and continue to do so exponentially. I call this "The Uma Thurman Effect." Also, his hairline. Sometimes he's a spry, 28 year-old anchor, ready to grab the news by the horns. Other times, he's a haggard, 47 year-old who looks like he's reported one too many stories. Just wait for the day when he bursts out of his human skin, mandibles twitching, and spews poisonous bile all over his camera crew. You can just email the "You were right, Christian" notes to me. That would be just fine.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-49832843116011709182011-01-31T20:34:00.001-08:002011-01-31T20:36:29.206-08:00What I think frozen dinner packaging should look like...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TUeNu71PBdI/AAAAAAAAAEI/Qii9PCxgHBw/s1600/frozendinner%2Bcopy.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 318px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TUeNu71PBdI/AAAAAAAAAEI/Qii9PCxgHBw/s400/frozendinner%2Bcopy.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5568575301741381074" /></a>Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-60745659166446755472011-01-31T20:11:00.000-08:002011-01-31T20:21:21.964-08:00Bump-it? What the shell, Leo?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TUeJeIIcu9I/AAAAAAAAAD4/GThcRvNHv54/s1600/Bumpits-Hair-Bumpits-as-seen-on-tv-china-manufacturer-A61565.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 280px; height: 280px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TUeJeIIcu9I/AAAAAAAAAD4/GThcRvNHv54/s320/Bumpits-Hair-Bumpits-as-seen-on-tv-china-manufacturer-A61565.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5568570614938909650" /></a><br />When I see a girl like this, I don't think "Hey, it's one of those new hair accessories, the Bump-it! What a great way to give volume to one's hair and be pretty and stuff!" No, I don't think that. What I do think is "Hey, I wonder if that girl knows that she has a goiter on the top of her head, and that it's probably filling with more fluid every day, thereby inflating the <span style="font-style:italic;">size</span> of her head. Maybe she should cover it with more hair? Yeah, that'll conceal it more.<br /><br />Oh, and sorry if this girl is you. If it is, you should probably be draining that thing with a syringe or something right now, shouldn't you?Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-63323843516377766412011-01-24T19:15:00.000-08:002011-01-25T17:10:54.474-08:00Brew Harrysnore<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TT5BbmFrwYI/AAAAAAAAADw/Z5h5guqjjoc/s1600/drew_barrymore_662985.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 213px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TT5BbmFrwYI/AAAAAAAAADw/Z5h5guqjjoc/s320/drew_barrymore_662985.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565958131813171586" /></a><br />Many of you think Drew Barrymore is attractive. You'd be wrong though; she's totally not. In fact, her face looks like the face of a Barbie doll that Kevin, from shop class, took a hot soldering iron to. I'm pretty sure her witch chin could impale a wild boar. Luckily for her, she can eat that boar simply by using her (no doubt) hidden mandibles and shoveling it in. (Think predator.)<br /><br />**Note** It has been mentioned that I omitted the highly obnoxious manner in which Drew Barrymore speaks. If you haven't seen it, just picture that someone has latched a fishing hook onto the lower corner of her lip and continues to tug it whenever she talks. By age 50, you can expect a full-on Sylvester Stallone.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-13733326276177175202011-01-04T20:08:00.001-08:002011-01-04T20:17:50.678-08:00New Idea<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TSPwzi-c69I/AAAAAAAAADo/5jVHHCCkXxs/s1600/double-seat-toilet.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 177px; height: 180px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TSPwzi-c69I/AAAAAAAAADo/5jVHHCCkXxs/s320/double-seat-toilet.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5558551133458066386" /></a><br />The Wii is a great thing. Great product, great fun, great ad campaign. So why not add to the impressive repertoire of accessories for the Wii? With such titles as "Wii Play," and "Wii Fit," why not make a two-seater toilet and call it "Wii S***." I know you many of you disapprove, but deep down in your Wii hearts, you think it's just a little bit funny.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Also, I found out someone else on the internets beat me to this idea. So, apparently there is a lot of demand for this peripheral in the market.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-10092202576265630572010-12-29T07:37:00.000-08:002010-12-29T07:39:23.549-08:00Just an update for you...Just so you know, a new bus smell is NOT the same as a new car smell. It makes my stomach want to implode.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-34567829511019487182010-12-10T18:49:00.000-08:002010-12-10T18:55:08.505-08:00Loading...Loading....Wait for it....<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TQLoBEWqI9I/AAAAAAAAADY/iAAi9Z15uzM/s1600/56k.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 261px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TQLoBEWqI9I/AAAAAAAAADY/iAAi9Z15uzM/s320/56k.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5549252795920163794" /></a><br />My Wife says that my brain runs on dial-up. Asking me a question is like submitting your query, then waiting an absurd amount of time for a response. Maybe she's right, and maybe it's my passive aggressive ploy to convince her that we need to buy an external hard drive. Relevant to this post? Absolutely not. Something I want? Shell yes, Leo.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-9589660747572361452010-10-31T11:15:00.000-07:002010-10-31T11:17:15.080-07:00Vintage Brain Lint<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TM2yo8Eu24I/AAAAAAAAADQ/9B9VsMyPu4U/s1600/littleChrisNES.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 224px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TM2yo8Eu24I/AAAAAAAAADQ/9B9VsMyPu4U/s320/littleChrisNES.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5534275933498694530" /></a><br />Why I rock at games? Started early...Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-29888746578498926012010-10-30T18:19:00.000-07:002010-10-30T18:23:33.009-07:00Video Brain Lint: Halloween 2010 - Don Corleone and Harry Potter<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dzQQMvSfsM3WSFP_vGHcNTywDIXYRqe0fLSy8YHYKdZyz9uGBF24XWZIppRHpK0_TXzTuFp3ntMFqi2W0oPmw' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe>Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-83016575976021614362010-10-19T17:00:00.000-07:002011-01-05T17:44:01.800-08:00Catalog Brain Lint<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TL4yLr7he7I/AAAAAAAAADI/dxNUj8SnWLE/s1600/Pantstool.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 304px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TL4yLr7he7I/AAAAAAAAADI/dxNUj8SnWLE/s320/Pantstool.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5529912568809880498" /></a><br />Today I have a real gem. This is the kind of crap you can, apparently, find in a "Plus size living" Magazine. So be prepared... Do you ever find yourself too fat to pull your own pants up? Have you ever been in a situation where you just can't reach down and dress yourself? If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, this product may be for you.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-68367333641249821202010-10-07T18:31:00.000-07:002010-10-07T18:39:07.099-07:00That's the sound of crickets, see.A good way to insult someone without him knowing it, would be to talk him up for 6 months, or so, and make him think he's a pretty funny guy. You laugh at all of his jokes, but really, all along, you are plotting. Then what you do is get him a gig at a stand up place, and pay the entire audience not to laugh at anything he says. You will want to make sure that you are a person who has a lot of money; If you're not, this plan may not work for you. During his show, he'll probably be thinking he would rather take a dirt nap than face these people, and you'll be up in the opera box enjoying your Jujyfruits.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-31593765504109829982010-09-28T17:48:00.000-07:002010-09-28T17:54:42.210-07:00Accio Brain Lint!I was taking my end-of-chapter test in my textbook today, when I noticed that someone had written the answers in already. To me, this was a lot like "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." Except in that book, all the answers were perfectly correct, and, according to the test results, whoever wrote in mine was a complete tard.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-634701936732675592010-09-13T20:19:00.000-07:002011-01-05T17:43:25.941-08:00Sam's ClubSamantha says that I'm like a tornado, because I come in and disrupt when she is trying to do homework. But I disagree. I don't think that going in there, pretending like I'm a mime, and trying to search out her candy stash, isn't anything like a tornado.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-88078831795062939072010-09-09T18:22:00.000-07:002010-09-09T18:29:17.104-07:00Socks to be me<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TImJFAI8LqI/AAAAAAAAAC4/knpBch1O6Zw/s1600/Socks.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 234px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/TImJFAI8LqI/AAAAAAAAAC4/knpBch1O6Zw/s320/Socks.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5515089937721732770" /></a><br />I always tell Samantha that the socks she wears are for babies. She always thinks I'm full of crap. Today I'll demonstrate that the size of her socks is significantly smaller than mine. See that? Baby socks. And yes, I really did put socks into the scanner.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-68831082858201614252010-09-01T19:15:00.001-07:002010-09-01T19:17:41.622-07:00Common Sense, and SensibilityToday, Sam told me that I sometimes have a lack of common sense. I sputtered off in a rant of objection. However, the whole time, I couldn't help but remember how I frequently put the cereal in the refrigerator, and the milk in the cupboard.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-16273536128798391932010-08-24T17:10:00.000-07:002010-08-24T18:29:54.503-07:00Brain lint 8/24/10When I want to feel like I've won something, I like to put a 20 into the vending machine at work. Sure, everyone in the break room looks at me while the quarters fly, but deep down, they just want to be winners, too. So I just let them look.<br /><br />Note: This is the top most satisfying thing I do at work, next to using the COPY stamp, and pressing the START button on the fax machine.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6976610309128181207.post-58493506727806885542010-08-24T16:52:00.000-07:002010-08-24T17:10:07.580-07:00The doctors will say it's a "Curious Case."<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/THRfV3d9l5I/AAAAAAAAACY/7IyD8rG6CiQ/s1600/SmoothSpot.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 218px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_4xk0LFxdiFY/THRfV3d9l5I/AAAAAAAAACY/7IyD8rG6CiQ/s320/SmoothSpot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5509133073452472210" /></a><br />I have come to the conclusion, that when I check out, my death will be sure to arouse suspicion and intrigue. I have also come to the conclusion, that the medical staff who performs my autopsy will find that the cause of my death could very well be attributed to the 3 hour sitting in which I watched Benjamin Button. I don't know why, but I'm pretty sure there's a smooth spot in my brain where there should be "smart" wrinkles. I could be wrong about all of this, but I'm pretty sure I'm not.Christianhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439398547353007060noreply@blogger.com0